Queens and Princesses , Take Care of Yourselves

It was with shock that I watched the news in TV channels about the Delhi Gang rape. What shocked me the most was that  it happened just after 9 PM in a chartered bus in the capital city !!!

How many times I have travelled in private buses in Kerala after 9 PM ? Many a times during my mid 20-s. Thank God that I reached home safe on all those Saturdays when I travelled back home by private buses after the office hours in the neighbouring town. That was inevitable those days for a spinster like me.

Now, years later , story is differnt.  Some days, I drive back home after 10 PM  through the city of Cochin after long hours of work at office. I was asking myself whether I should call myself bold or stupid. After hearing all these shocking news, I realize now that the second word is apt for me for the "bold act" of driving in the night.

It is better to be more cautious in a world where the females are being hunted day and night . So, I have realized that my saftey comes first , everything else next- be it work or any other important matter. There is enough protest happening now and hopefully govt may act now to ensure safety and security for women. But not sure whether all those could help us all the time.

So, Queens and princesses, let us take care of ourselves . All other safety and security measures are secondary. If they are of help in the hour of need, well and good.  These are some simple suggestions.

You may add more..

1. Travel
 Avoid travelling late night alone, if possible. In case you need to travel, do the following.
a. Carry a bottle of pepper spray.
b.Speed dial buttons in your mobile to be configured with numbers like 100 ( Police) , 181 ( recently introduced one by DoT for women helpline). With one click, you should be able to call.
c.Travel in buses with enough passengers
d. Call up your home or friends and inform that you have boarded so and so vehicle . You say this a bit loudly so that  the driver and the co-passengers hear it . Ensure that your mobile is fully charged. You may even talk to your near and dear  often so that they also know that you are safe and could be of help in case you need help.
e. While traveling in bus, if the fellow passengers trouble you , do not try to confront them directly, inform the bus conductor. Call the women help line and seek their advice, if needed.
f. In case you are travelling by train, and if  you are not comfortable with felllow passengers, request the TT for change of seat or berth. You may even request directly to a passenger whom you find trustworthy for exchange of seats.
g. Do not trust any of your fellow passengers blindly. Do not accept any eatables from them . Reject politely, if offered.
h. In case you are travelling by auto , make sure that you go by the main road where there is more traffic and enough people. Avoid short cuts without street lights. Lit and busy roads are better even though they could be long. Insist the driver that you want to go through well lit roads only before you hire the auto. Sit near the side of the auto so that in case of any problem , you should be at least able to jump out of the auto :-)

2. Trust
Dont trust this species blindly. I mean the male species. I am not a feminist. But the fact is that women need to be careful and hence I need to write these. Now a days, the male species seem to be worse than animals. Every news I read, makes me believe so. There may be exceptions too - but yes they are exceptions and not commonly found :-)

Let us educate our daugthers about good touch and bad touch. Do not leave your daughters alone at home or with neighbors . Your most trusted uncle or most trusted neighbor can change their color some times. As parents , let us do all things to ensure safety of our daughters - the little princesses.

Teenagers - Your age is the sweetest of all , but at the same time you need to be very careful. This is the age when you feel that love is divine , love is eternal and love is what not..

Be careful before you fall in love. True love is mostly found only in old  movies and songs. Now days, even films dont talk about it. So realize this fact before you fall in love. Use your brains first to assess the person before you lose your heart to him. Many of the rape vicitims were trapped by their lovers only.

Now , ladies- young princesses and queens - let us be more cautious while dealing with men. Your trusted friend or trusted cousin or even teacher may have a different face which you have never seen. But one thing I can tell you that if they have a differnet colour that would have come out at least once and you also would have noticed it - could be a bad comment , an indecent look  at you , a bad gesture or inappropriate way of dressing. Did you notice it once ? Take it from me - you need to be careful about this person. Your intuition works better in these cases and mostly your intuitions are right.


3. Teach

Educate your sons right from childhood that women need to be treated with respect. Induce in them the feeling that men need to treat them equally and at the same time protect them. If your husband is some one who demonstrates the respect for ladies , most likely your son also would do the same. Let us make an attempt to mould a better youth for tomorrow.

Having said this , one can ask how  the society demonstrates respect towards ladies ?

I feel ashamed when I look at some of the TV ads and some of the so called new generation movies. Do you really need such ads and such scenes in movies to promote their products/films ? I would say , "NO".

One can ask ," How about the undergarments ads appearing in magazines for women? " Yes, they do appear. If they are vulgar , these magazines should not publish them.

Yet some of you can ask , "What is the boundary of vulgarity ?" Is n't it subjective ?

"Yes. It is..Anything which you can see/watch with your family is fine. If it is not , it is vulgar. "

Every time I see Vanessa ad (ladies' undergarments from V- guard ) in TV , I dont know where to run away if my parents and son are with me. The guy asks , "Vanessa means, butterfly , isn't it ? The lady replies with a seducing expression , " Do you want to try ? "Is this kind of an ad  needed to sell this product in market ? Can't the ad companies come up with a decent innovative ad and prove that these products can still be sold - may be much more better?

I watched 4 movies during this Christmas holidays. I took the CDs  from the near by video rental shop. I was in confusion which one to watch first and finally picked up "Trivandrum Lodge" because I was so impressed by the movie "Beautiful" from Anoop Menon and expected "Trivandrum Lodge" also to be of  same standard, if not better. The name of the movie did not sound all that good. But I did not want to make any wrong judgement without seeing the movie. The first scene was a shock. After watching for 15 min , I did not want to watch it further. Still I continued just because of the "beautiful" impression of Anoop's previous film. All the males in the movie and all the ladies in the movie think and talk only one thing and you know what that 3 letter word is. What a shame ? Even "beautiful" movie had some of those dirty dialogues when Jayasoorya went about selecting his home nurse. But that was only momentary.

Some of the so called intelligent people may say that these movies are different and people like me dont have the intelligence to enjoy such "classics" .I prefer to be less intelligent here..

Next one - Ranjith film - Spirit. Though every moment was soaked in spirit, the heroine's dress code also added spirit  in few scenes. Were these really needed to sell Spirit ?

One can ask , a film is about mixing all these things in right proportions. What is wrong in it ?

"Pranchiyettan" was probably a better hit than Spirit without any of these scenes.

You are an idiot, Rachana. How can you compare "Pranchiyettana and Spirit". Spirit needs  it .The story unveils around an upper class family. So, it needs it.

Yes, I am an idiot and better to remain so..

 I dont want this post to end up in a film review.

Reward and recognize those good films and  directors who portrays their female characters decently and demonstrates respect toward women .

Ad world - Think how can undergarments be sold without dirty dialogues and scenes..

I am not trying to say that these are the causes for a perverted male community. These are also some of the clear examples which show that the society does not show any  respect towards women. They are treated as objects. So, how does one learn from society ?

With internet in front of us, these are nothing.. So, where lies the solution ?

I dont know.

Some say , solution would come if the right punishment is given to the culprits. May be so..

Sheela, the famous malayalam actress mentioned in an interview that permanent tattoos should be made on the culprit's forehead mentioning the crime he has done. I felt that it is a good suggestion. He wont get a chance to do the same crime again and it would be a warning to others  who intend to do such crimes.

For the time being , the only solution lies in protecting ourselves.

Queens and Princesses , Take Care of  Yourselves

പ്രണയം

അറിയില്ലെനിക്കു എന്നു നീ എന്ന-
കതാരിനുള്ളില്‍ ഇടം പിടിച്ചു
അറിയില്ലെനിക്കു നീ എന്നെന്നാ -
ത്മാവിനുള്ളില്‍ അലിഞ്ഞു ചേര്‍ന്നു

അകലമൊരുപാടെന്നറിഞ്ഞിട്ടും
അടുത്തു നീയെന്നോട്‌  ഞാനറിയാതെ 
അടുക്കരുതെന്നു ഞാന്‍ വിലക്കിയിട്ടും
ആശിച്ചെന്‍  മനം  നിന്റെ  സാമീപ്യത്തിനായ് 

നീയെന്നടുത്തുള്ളപ്പോള്‍ ഞാനറിഞ്ഞു
അന്നുവരെയില്ലാത്തൊരു സുരക്ഷിതത്വം
നിന്റെ വാക്കുകള്‍  എന്‍  മുറിവുകളില്‍
ഒരു അമൃതായി മെല്ലെ പടര്‍ന്നിറങ്ങി

കാത്തിരുന്നെന്നും  നീ കണ്‍മിഴി പൂട്ടാതെ
കാലത്ത് ഞാന്‍ വരുന്നതും നോക്കി
പ്രണയമേന്തെന്നു  ഞാന്‍ അറിഞ്ഞാദ്യമായ്
എന്റെ കരതലം അന്നു നീ ഗ്രഹിച്ചപ്പോള്‍

സ്നേഹിക്കുന്നെന്നു നീ മന്ത്രിച്ചു എന്‍ കാതില്‍
ഒരായിരം വട്ടം ഓരോ നാളും
അന്യനാകുമൊരുനാള്‍ എന്നറിഞ്ഞിട്ടും
പ്രണയിച്ചു പോയി ഞാന്‍ നിന്നെ ഏറെ

ഊണിലും ഉറക്കത്തിലും ഞാന്‍ അറിയാതെ
നിന്റെ നാമം എന്‍ ചൊടികളെ പറ്റി നിന്നു
ഒരായുസ്സ് മുഴുവന്‍ നിന്നെ കൊതി തീരെ സ്നേഹിക്കാന്‍
എത്ര മേല്‍ ഞാന്‍ മോഹിച്ചിരുന്നു

അകലാന്‍ സമയമായെന്ന് നീ മൊഴിഞ്ഞപ്പോള്‍
അരുതേ എന്ന് പറയാന്‍ എനിക്കായില്ല
അരുവിയായോഴുകിയ അശ്രുധാരയാല്‍ നിനക്ക്
അകമഴിഞ്ഞാശംസ അര്‍പ്പിക്കാനെ ആയുള്ളൂ


 
അകലേക്ക്‌ അകലേക്ക്‌ നീ അടര്‍ന്നു പോയപ്പോള്‍
അടക്കി പിടിച്ചു ഞാനെന്‍ ആത്മാവിന്‍ നൊന്പരം
നിന്റെ ഒരു വാക്ക് കേള്‍ക്കാന്‍ ഞാനെത്ര കൊതിച്ചു     
നിന്നോട് ഒരു വാക്ക് മിണ്ടാതെ ഞാനെത്ര നീറി പുകഞ്ഞു

ഇന്നുമെനിക്ക്‌  കൂട്ടായുണ്ട്  നിന്നോര്‍മകള്‍
നീ എന്‍ കാതില്‍ മന്ത്രിച്ച പ്രണയഗീതങ്ങളും
കാത്തിരിക്കുന്നു ഞാന്‍ ഇനി ഒരു ജന്മത്തിനായ്
ഒരായുസ്സ് മുഴുവന്‍ നിന്നോടൊത്തു ജീവിക്കുവാന്‍

Back to school

After paying the school fees for the quarter 1 ( Apr, May , Jun), I was cribbing today about the ruthless hike in fees. School fees of Rs.60,000/- per year ( excluding the transport ) for a 7th std child is "criminal" by all standards. But do I have a choice ? After all these , education happens at home and not in the school. So , why do I need to pay such high amount for a 7th std child ? That too , for the same old style of teaching ? Technology has advanced so much. But the classes are yet to become smart classes. You have loads of information at the tip of your finger - by just a click. But no innovation applied in the style of teaching. I see govt schools doing so much innovation to prove their ability and credibility. At least , there are few teachers who are commited and knowledgeable..

Parents (including me ) are ready to shell out any amount of money ( no matter what their income is ) to provide the best education for their children. But , In reality , it has become a business and quality of education has deteriorated like anything. There are many tuition centres who make money as children need extra coaching . Or parents need to provide that extra care at home to ensure that the child understands the concepts.

It is time to think. Education cannot become a mere business. "Right to education" law is introduced by the govt. But I am not sure how far it would get really implemented. .

In my school days , the fees must have been around Rs.5 (may be for the entire year). Parents were not knowledgeable enough to guide me in my subjects nor I was sent for any tuition ( except in the high school when I was given extra coaching on week ends for 1 subject ) .

What is happening today ? Look at how we have changed !

I was in the pantry of my office when I heard the house keeping ladies discussing which brand of school bag to be bought for their childeren. One was suggesting that "Scoobee Day" is good and reliable and lasts for a year. That reminds me that I also need to buy all items to send my son to school.

I dont think that I ever got a new school bag. We used to have "crafts" session in the school where we were taught how to make bags with nylon wires.The same bags we used  as school bags. I was never an expert in this and always the wires used to come out. Still , the whole year I used to manage.  I don't know whether today's children have even seen such bags. See , how cute they are ! The only draw back was that our books get wet if it rains which we used to manage by having extra protection of plastic sheets.

 
Time has changed. But is this change in the right direction ? New school bag , new instrument box , new pencils and pens - do they really motivate the child ? I dont know. Peer pressure is so high for children too.

 I do welcome change. But change has to have a much more positive influence on our children.

Where are we heading ? I really dont know. It keeps me worrying me as a parent.

Pranayam

I should have posted this one ideally on 14th Feb 12 , Valinetines day . Got busy with so many things and could not post. It was coincidential that I watched the much talked about movie "Pranayam" on  Valentine day. After watching the movie , I kept wondering whether this movie really depicts true "Pranayam". 
It was difficult for me to digest the fact that the couple who had inter-religion marriage ( Played by Jayaprada and Anupam Kher ) got separated due to the  issues related to the baptism of their son. Is n't it true love beyond caste , creed , religion ? If the chiristan lady (Grace , played by Jayaprada) had guts to get married to a hindu man (Menon , played by Anupam Kher) , why the lady did not have the same guts after marriage when her parents forced to convert their child to a christian ? When the differences reach its peak , divorce was considered as solution.

Finally the husband runs away with his two and half year old son.

If I can borrow the dialogue of Anupam Kher to Jayaparada (may not be the same words) ," My advocate convinced me that the child has to live with  his mother after the divorce. I could not think of parting my son for ever. So , I  ran away with the child and roamed in many places. Later I realized that it was all a trap made my own advocate and your father. I wanted to write a letter to you mentioning everything but by the time it was too late. You had already got married."

What a tragedy ! Anupam Kher  is depicted as a true and loving husband who did not get married again and spent all his energy and life for his beloved son. A man with such a beautiful heart , wouldn't he have thought of making  a last attempt to patch up with his wife before running away with his son  ? He would have definitely been able to understand what emotional stress the mother and the child would undergo if they got separated from each other.

I kept wondering how come this "Pranayini" got married again to Mathews ( A philosophy professor played by Mohan Lal )and led a happy married life. The story unveils when the trio ( Lal, Anupam and Jayaprada) go for a vacation. During their journey , Mathews tells Menon  ," You know Menon, she did not even speak to me for many days after marriage. Finally I understood the reason. Her father had threatened her that he would commit suicide if she did not agree for the marriage"

That was a dull attempt by the script writer to elevate the "Pranayini" as a "true and innocent " lady love . All the while I was wondering why this lady did not commit suicide after getting separated from her husband and son.

Finally the lady falls deeply in love with her husband so much so that she refuses to go up the rocks  in the beach to see the beautiful sight which Menon wanted to show them only because it was not possible to get the wheel chair up for her husband also to enjoy it . She says , "If Mathews  is not able to come there to see it , I also dont want to see it ". Was this another futile effort to depict her as another "Gandahari" who blindfolder herself becasue her husband was blind ?

I could only "pity" the first husband (am not pitying the actor) when he followed his exwife and her husband every where only to watch their  "Pranaya Cheshtakal" and "Pranaya Sallapam." One thing which was very srriking and I should say hats off to "Anupam Kher" for the kind of expressions reflected on his face as he witnessed this height of pranayam.. His expressions were so realistic , it was a mixture of irritation, jealousy , feeling of loss and above all embarassment. Who wont be embarrased to watch such a "divine" pranayam ? The philsopher husband proves that he is also possessive by singing the song , "I am your man.." to Jayaprada  infront of Anupam Kher.

The climax was even more ridiculous. Mathews  gets hospitalised. Out side the ICU,  Menon and Grace are waiting outside praying for his recovery. Menon happens to see the bible kept there which reminds him of the beautiful memories of his married life and he goes to Grace asking her whether she recollects something. Thankfully , she also did not fall into those old beacutiful moments at that time  and she goes near the ICU door. Mathews was getting better. Then Grace and Menon return to their room in the hospital.

By this time , Menon discloses to his son that his mother is very inncoent and it is he who separated the son and mother. The son ( played by Anoop  very well ) requests his mom that it is his wish to live with his parents at least for a day. Menon also expresses the same wish to his lady love , kisses her on her forehead and hugs her tightly. Grace falls down  unconscious and is decalred dead by the doctors as she had a cardiac failure. May be that the script writer did not want to have any such "mistakes" affecting the "purity"  of this "divine pranayini" and hence decides to lead her to death ...

Is this pranayam ? Longing for some one , loving some one unconditionally is pranayam. Menon ofcourse is a symbol of true pranayam in this movie. But the only thing which does not gel well is that he ran away with his son separating the mother and the son. One who has true pranayam is ready to sacrifice anything for his/her love . But it could be probably justified -  Menon's dialogue , " What you consider as right and wrong change with time ". May be  , he also became selfish at some point in time.But by the time , he tried to correct his mistake , it was late...

Pranayam is a union of two loving souls ..It is eternal..It is unconditional..It is sweet and beautiful..