Na sthree swathanthryam arhathi

As a woman currently settled in God's own country , many a times , I have asked this question to myself..Are the women in Kerala treated with respect here , specially in this advanced era ? The answer is "NO". But is it so in other states ? Again the answer is "no". But , may be a bit better in cosmopolitan cities.

When I made the decision to move from Garden city to God's own country , my friend asked me ,"Do you feel that you are going to be comfortable there ? Do you think that a divorcee can live there peacefully ?"

I said ,"Dont know . But I will manage." I had my own reasons for relocation.


I was looking out for an apartment for rent. As usual , I have to manage everything myself. When I go alone to landlord to enquire about the house , they just cant digest how a lady can come alone and take a house on rent. The situation is the same , be it Bangalore or Kerala. If I say that I am a divorcee , at least some may have second thought to let out the house to me. So , I always used to say that my husband lives abroad and hence my son and I live with my parents. It may not be possible all the time to take my parents too to see the houses. So , when ever I find a house of my liking , I take parents and son there to show them the house. Then the landlord gets convinced. Look at the pain of a divorcee..Even after divorce , she cant tell that she is a divorcee. And I have to tell that he is NRI and that leads to more trouble because they think I am damn rich and ask for more rent..

My son always used to get confused as he does not know what to say when someone asks him about his father. When I was in Bangalore , the lady in the neighbouring apartment was very curious to know when this NRI husband will land in Bangalore. I normally say ," a year later". At least , for a year , people should not pester me. 6 months later , the lady repeated the question when we met in the corridor of my apartment building . My son , 6 years old then , was also there with me when I said ,"yes , he will come in March". My son smiled and said ,"Aunty , No he wont come. He has never visited us ". I was shocked at his response , tried to put up a smile and then said,"he is just kidding" and some how managed to rush back to my apartment. After I reached home , I told my son , " You should never say like this infront of others. Yes, Amma said lie. But here people dont understand our pain. So , we need to pretend that your father visits us." He understood and promised that he would not repeat the same.

I actually did not want to confuse my child. So when I moved to God's own country , I did not want to tell the same NRI story. I approached the caretaker of an apartment complex to find out whether any apartment is available for rent. I had taken my mother and son too with me for house hunting. He asked me where my husband is. I said ," I am a divorcee". My mother looked at me . I said ,' It is okay". The caretaker did not say anything. He talked to the flat owner and arrnaged house for me. The next day , meeting also was scheduled with the flat owner. Before I left , the caretaker told me ," Madam , dont mistake me. Please do not tell that you are a divorcee. Tell them that your husband is in Dubai. People may not understand sometimes." I smiled and said "no issues".

Now,some people in the other apartments want to know when my NRI husband would come back and why I am not going there..I just dont care. My son keeps getting confused about what to say and what not to say..I said ,"Just dont care. You tell that you dont know and amma only knows".Sometimes I feel that it could have better if I said I am a widow because people are so averse to the word "divorcee".

In the school at Kochi , I told once to his class teacher the fact that I am a divorcee. One day during our conversation my son opened his heart and told me that his teacher told to all the students in the class that he does not have father. His lips were trembling and eyes were filled with tears. I realised that the wetness is spreading to my eyes too. i consoled my son and said," Just dont care. Though your father does not live with us , there is God with us always . So dont worry."I did not know why she did that.By the time , it was end of academic year ..So I did not probe..

Life has been tough after I moved to God's own country for various reason..Many times I felt like moving back to Bangalore. Many a times , I cursed myself for moving here..But I am managing..It is a matter of survival. I

I dont think that the society needs to be considerate towards ladies..At least allow them to live..