Queens and Princesses , Take Care of Yourselves

It was with shock that I watched the news in TV channels about the Delhi Gang rape. What shocked me the most was that  it happened just after 9 PM in a chartered bus in the capital city !!!

How many times I have travelled in private buses in Kerala after 9 PM ? Many a times during my mid 20-s. Thank God that I reached home safe on all those Saturdays when I travelled back home by private buses after the office hours in the neighbouring town. That was inevitable those days for a spinster like me.

Now, years later , story is differnt.  Some days, I drive back home after 10 PM  through the city of Cochin after long hours of work at office. I was asking myself whether I should call myself bold or stupid. After hearing all these shocking news, I realize now that the second word is apt for me for the "bold act" of driving in the night.

It is better to be more cautious in a world where the females are being hunted day and night . So, I have realized that my saftey comes first , everything else next- be it work or any other important matter. There is enough protest happening now and hopefully govt may act now to ensure safety and security for women. But not sure whether all those could help us all the time.

So, Queens and princesses, let us take care of ourselves . All other safety and security measures are secondary. If they are of help in the hour of need, well and good.  These are some simple suggestions.

You may add more..

1. Travel
 Avoid travelling late night alone, if possible. In case you need to travel, do the following.
a. Carry a bottle of pepper spray.
b.Speed dial buttons in your mobile to be configured with numbers like 100 ( Police) , 181 ( recently introduced one by DoT for women helpline). With one click, you should be able to call.
c.Travel in buses with enough passengers
d. Call up your home or friends and inform that you have boarded so and so vehicle . You say this a bit loudly so that  the driver and the co-passengers hear it . Ensure that your mobile is fully charged. You may even talk to your near and dear  often so that they also know that you are safe and could be of help in case you need help.
e. While traveling in bus, if the fellow passengers trouble you , do not try to confront them directly, inform the bus conductor. Call the women help line and seek their advice, if needed.
f. In case you are travelling by train, and if  you are not comfortable with felllow passengers, request the TT for change of seat or berth. You may even request directly to a passenger whom you find trustworthy for exchange of seats.
g. Do not trust any of your fellow passengers blindly. Do not accept any eatables from them . Reject politely, if offered.
h. In case you are travelling by auto , make sure that you go by the main road where there is more traffic and enough people. Avoid short cuts without street lights. Lit and busy roads are better even though they could be long. Insist the driver that you want to go through well lit roads only before you hire the auto. Sit near the side of the auto so that in case of any problem , you should be at least able to jump out of the auto :-)

2. Trust
Dont trust this species blindly. I mean the male species. I am not a feminist. But the fact is that women need to be careful and hence I need to write these. Now a days, the male species seem to be worse than animals. Every news I read, makes me believe so. There may be exceptions too - but yes they are exceptions and not commonly found :-)

Let us educate our daugthers about good touch and bad touch. Do not leave your daughters alone at home or with neighbors . Your most trusted uncle or most trusted neighbor can change their color some times. As parents , let us do all things to ensure safety of our daughters - the little princesses.

Teenagers - Your age is the sweetest of all , but at the same time you need to be very careful. This is the age when you feel that love is divine , love is eternal and love is what not..

Be careful before you fall in love. True love is mostly found only in old  movies and songs. Now days, even films dont talk about it. So realize this fact before you fall in love. Use your brains first to assess the person before you lose your heart to him. Many of the rape vicitims were trapped by their lovers only.

Now , ladies- young princesses and queens - let us be more cautious while dealing with men. Your trusted friend or trusted cousin or even teacher may have a different face which you have never seen. But one thing I can tell you that if they have a differnet colour that would have come out at least once and you also would have noticed it - could be a bad comment , an indecent look  at you , a bad gesture or inappropriate way of dressing. Did you notice it once ? Take it from me - you need to be careful about this person. Your intuition works better in these cases and mostly your intuitions are right.


3. Teach

Educate your sons right from childhood that women need to be treated with respect. Induce in them the feeling that men need to treat them equally and at the same time protect them. If your husband is some one who demonstrates the respect for ladies , most likely your son also would do the same. Let us make an attempt to mould a better youth for tomorrow.

Having said this , one can ask how  the society demonstrates respect towards ladies ?

I feel ashamed when I look at some of the TV ads and some of the so called new generation movies. Do you really need such ads and such scenes in movies to promote their products/films ? I would say , "NO".

One can ask ," How about the undergarments ads appearing in magazines for women? " Yes, they do appear. If they are vulgar , these magazines should not publish them.

Yet some of you can ask , "What is the boundary of vulgarity ?" Is n't it subjective ?

"Yes. It is..Anything which you can see/watch with your family is fine. If it is not , it is vulgar. "

Every time I see Vanessa ad (ladies' undergarments from V- guard ) in TV , I dont know where to run away if my parents and son are with me. The guy asks , "Vanessa means, butterfly , isn't it ? The lady replies with a seducing expression , " Do you want to try ? "Is this kind of an ad  needed to sell this product in market ? Can't the ad companies come up with a decent innovative ad and prove that these products can still be sold - may be much more better?

I watched 4 movies during this Christmas holidays. I took the CDs  from the near by video rental shop. I was in confusion which one to watch first and finally picked up "Trivandrum Lodge" because I was so impressed by the movie "Beautiful" from Anoop Menon and expected "Trivandrum Lodge" also to be of  same standard, if not better. The name of the movie did not sound all that good. But I did not want to make any wrong judgement without seeing the movie. The first scene was a shock. After watching for 15 min , I did not want to watch it further. Still I continued just because of the "beautiful" impression of Anoop's previous film. All the males in the movie and all the ladies in the movie think and talk only one thing and you know what that 3 letter word is. What a shame ? Even "beautiful" movie had some of those dirty dialogues when Jayasoorya went about selecting his home nurse. But that was only momentary.

Some of the so called intelligent people may say that these movies are different and people like me dont have the intelligence to enjoy such "classics" .I prefer to be less intelligent here..

Next one - Ranjith film - Spirit. Though every moment was soaked in spirit, the heroine's dress code also added spirit  in few scenes. Were these really needed to sell Spirit ?

One can ask , a film is about mixing all these things in right proportions. What is wrong in it ?

"Pranchiyettan" was probably a better hit than Spirit without any of these scenes.

You are an idiot, Rachana. How can you compare "Pranchiyettana and Spirit". Spirit needs  it .The story unveils around an upper class family. So, it needs it.

Yes, I am an idiot and better to remain so..

 I dont want this post to end up in a film review.

Reward and recognize those good films and  directors who portrays their female characters decently and demonstrates respect toward women .

Ad world - Think how can undergarments be sold without dirty dialogues and scenes..

I am not trying to say that these are the causes for a perverted male community. These are also some of the clear examples which show that the society does not show any  respect towards women. They are treated as objects. So, how does one learn from society ?

With internet in front of us, these are nothing.. So, where lies the solution ?

I dont know.

Some say , solution would come if the right punishment is given to the culprits. May be so..

Sheela, the famous malayalam actress mentioned in an interview that permanent tattoos should be made on the culprit's forehead mentioning the crime he has done. I felt that it is a good suggestion. He wont get a chance to do the same crime again and it would be a warning to others  who intend to do such crimes.

For the time being , the only solution lies in protecting ourselves.

Queens and Princesses , Take Care of  Yourselves

പ്രണയം

അറിയില്ലെനിക്കു എന്നു നീ എന്ന-
കതാരിനുള്ളില്‍ ഇടം പിടിച്ചു
അറിയില്ലെനിക്കു നീ എന്നെന്നാ -
ത്മാവിനുള്ളില്‍ അലിഞ്ഞു ചേര്‍ന്നു

അകലമൊരുപാടെന്നറിഞ്ഞിട്ടും
അടുത്തു നീയെന്നോട്‌  ഞാനറിയാതെ 
അടുക്കരുതെന്നു ഞാന്‍ വിലക്കിയിട്ടും
ആശിച്ചെന്‍  മനം  നിന്റെ  സാമീപ്യത്തിനായ് 

നീയെന്നടുത്തുള്ളപ്പോള്‍ ഞാനറിഞ്ഞു
അന്നുവരെയില്ലാത്തൊരു സുരക്ഷിതത്വം
നിന്റെ വാക്കുകള്‍  എന്‍  മുറിവുകളില്‍
ഒരു അമൃതായി മെല്ലെ പടര്‍ന്നിറങ്ങി

കാത്തിരുന്നെന്നും  നീ കണ്‍മിഴി പൂട്ടാതെ
കാലത്ത് ഞാന്‍ വരുന്നതും നോക്കി
പ്രണയമേന്തെന്നു  ഞാന്‍ അറിഞ്ഞാദ്യമായ്
എന്റെ കരതലം അന്നു നീ ഗ്രഹിച്ചപ്പോള്‍

സ്നേഹിക്കുന്നെന്നു നീ മന്ത്രിച്ചു എന്‍ കാതില്‍
ഒരായിരം വട്ടം ഓരോ നാളും
അന്യനാകുമൊരുനാള്‍ എന്നറിഞ്ഞിട്ടും
പ്രണയിച്ചു പോയി ഞാന്‍ നിന്നെ ഏറെ

ഊണിലും ഉറക്കത്തിലും ഞാന്‍ അറിയാതെ
നിന്റെ നാമം എന്‍ ചൊടികളെ പറ്റി നിന്നു
ഒരായുസ്സ് മുഴുവന്‍ നിന്നെ കൊതി തീരെ സ്നേഹിക്കാന്‍
എത്ര മേല്‍ ഞാന്‍ മോഹിച്ചിരുന്നു

അകലാന്‍ സമയമായെന്ന് നീ മൊഴിഞ്ഞപ്പോള്‍
അരുതേ എന്ന് പറയാന്‍ എനിക്കായില്ല
അരുവിയായോഴുകിയ അശ്രുധാരയാല്‍ നിനക്ക്
അകമഴിഞ്ഞാശംസ അര്‍പ്പിക്കാനെ ആയുള്ളൂ


 
അകലേക്ക്‌ അകലേക്ക്‌ നീ അടര്‍ന്നു പോയപ്പോള്‍
അടക്കി പിടിച്ചു ഞാനെന്‍ ആത്മാവിന്‍ നൊന്പരം
നിന്റെ ഒരു വാക്ക് കേള്‍ക്കാന്‍ ഞാനെത്ര കൊതിച്ചു     
നിന്നോട് ഒരു വാക്ക് മിണ്ടാതെ ഞാനെത്ര നീറി പുകഞ്ഞു

ഇന്നുമെനിക്ക്‌  കൂട്ടായുണ്ട്  നിന്നോര്‍മകള്‍
നീ എന്‍ കാതില്‍ മന്ത്രിച്ച പ്രണയഗീതങ്ങളും
കാത്തിരിക്കുന്നു ഞാന്‍ ഇനി ഒരു ജന്മത്തിനായ്
ഒരായുസ്സ് മുഴുവന്‍ നിന്നോടൊത്തു ജീവിക്കുവാന്‍

Back to school

After paying the school fees for the quarter 1 ( Apr, May , Jun), I was cribbing today about the ruthless hike in fees. School fees of Rs.60,000/- per year ( excluding the transport ) for a 7th std child is "criminal" by all standards. But do I have a choice ? After all these , education happens at home and not in the school. So , why do I need to pay such high amount for a 7th std child ? That too , for the same old style of teaching ? Technology has advanced so much. But the classes are yet to become smart classes. You have loads of information at the tip of your finger - by just a click. But no innovation applied in the style of teaching. I see govt schools doing so much innovation to prove their ability and credibility. At least , there are few teachers who are commited and knowledgeable..

Parents (including me ) are ready to shell out any amount of money ( no matter what their income is ) to provide the best education for their children. But , In reality , it has become a business and quality of education has deteriorated like anything. There are many tuition centres who make money as children need extra coaching . Or parents need to provide that extra care at home to ensure that the child understands the concepts.

It is time to think. Education cannot become a mere business. "Right to education" law is introduced by the govt. But I am not sure how far it would get really implemented. .

In my school days , the fees must have been around Rs.5 (may be for the entire year). Parents were not knowledgeable enough to guide me in my subjects nor I was sent for any tuition ( except in the high school when I was given extra coaching on week ends for 1 subject ) .

What is happening today ? Look at how we have changed !

I was in the pantry of my office when I heard the house keeping ladies discussing which brand of school bag to be bought for their childeren. One was suggesting that "Scoobee Day" is good and reliable and lasts for a year. That reminds me that I also need to buy all items to send my son to school.

I dont think that I ever got a new school bag. We used to have "crafts" session in the school where we were taught how to make bags with nylon wires.The same bags we used  as school bags. I was never an expert in this and always the wires used to come out. Still , the whole year I used to manage.  I don't know whether today's children have even seen such bags. See , how cute they are ! The only draw back was that our books get wet if it rains which we used to manage by having extra protection of plastic sheets.

 
Time has changed. But is this change in the right direction ? New school bag , new instrument box , new pencils and pens - do they really motivate the child ? I dont know. Peer pressure is so high for children too.

 I do welcome change. But change has to have a much more positive influence on our children.

Where are we heading ? I really dont know. It keeps me worrying me as a parent.

Pranayam

I should have posted this one ideally on 14th Feb 12 , Valinetines day . Got busy with so many things and could not post. It was coincidential that I watched the much talked about movie "Pranayam" on  Valentine day. After watching the movie , I kept wondering whether this movie really depicts true "Pranayam". 
It was difficult for me to digest the fact that the couple who had inter-religion marriage ( Played by Jayaprada and Anupam Kher ) got separated due to the  issues related to the baptism of their son. Is n't it true love beyond caste , creed , religion ? If the chiristan lady (Grace , played by Jayaprada) had guts to get married to a hindu man (Menon , played by Anupam Kher) , why the lady did not have the same guts after marriage when her parents forced to convert their child to a christian ? When the differences reach its peak , divorce was considered as solution.

Finally the husband runs away with his two and half year old son.

If I can borrow the dialogue of Anupam Kher to Jayaparada (may not be the same words) ," My advocate convinced me that the child has to live with  his mother after the divorce. I could not think of parting my son for ever. So , I  ran away with the child and roamed in many places. Later I realized that it was all a trap made my own advocate and your father. I wanted to write a letter to you mentioning everything but by the time it was too late. You had already got married."

What a tragedy ! Anupam Kher  is depicted as a true and loving husband who did not get married again and spent all his energy and life for his beloved son. A man with such a beautiful heart , wouldn't he have thought of making  a last attempt to patch up with his wife before running away with his son  ? He would have definitely been able to understand what emotional stress the mother and the child would undergo if they got separated from each other.

I kept wondering how come this "Pranayini" got married again to Mathews ( A philosophy professor played by Mohan Lal )and led a happy married life. The story unveils when the trio ( Lal, Anupam and Jayaprada) go for a vacation. During their journey , Mathews tells Menon  ," You know Menon, she did not even speak to me for many days after marriage. Finally I understood the reason. Her father had threatened her that he would commit suicide if she did not agree for the marriage"

That was a dull attempt by the script writer to elevate the "Pranayini" as a "true and innocent " lady love . All the while I was wondering why this lady did not commit suicide after getting separated from her husband and son.

Finally the lady falls deeply in love with her husband so much so that she refuses to go up the rocks  in the beach to see the beautiful sight which Menon wanted to show them only because it was not possible to get the wheel chair up for her husband also to enjoy it . She says , "If Mathews  is not able to come there to see it , I also dont want to see it ". Was this another futile effort to depict her as another "Gandahari" who blindfolder herself becasue her husband was blind ?

I could only "pity" the first husband (am not pitying the actor) when he followed his exwife and her husband every where only to watch their  "Pranaya Cheshtakal" and "Pranaya Sallapam." One thing which was very srriking and I should say hats off to "Anupam Kher" for the kind of expressions reflected on his face as he witnessed this height of pranayam.. His expressions were so realistic , it was a mixture of irritation, jealousy , feeling of loss and above all embarassment. Who wont be embarrased to watch such a "divine" pranayam ? The philsopher husband proves that he is also possessive by singing the song , "I am your man.." to Jayaprada  infront of Anupam Kher.

The climax was even more ridiculous. Mathews  gets hospitalised. Out side the ICU,  Menon and Grace are waiting outside praying for his recovery. Menon happens to see the bible kept there which reminds him of the beautiful memories of his married life and he goes to Grace asking her whether she recollects something. Thankfully , she also did not fall into those old beacutiful moments at that time  and she goes near the ICU door. Mathews was getting better. Then Grace and Menon return to their room in the hospital.

By this time , Menon discloses to his son that his mother is very inncoent and it is he who separated the son and mother. The son ( played by Anoop  very well ) requests his mom that it is his wish to live with his parents at least for a day. Menon also expresses the same wish to his lady love , kisses her on her forehead and hugs her tightly. Grace falls down  unconscious and is decalred dead by the doctors as she had a cardiac failure. May be that the script writer did not want to have any such "mistakes" affecting the "purity"  of this "divine pranayini" and hence decides to lead her to death ...

Is this pranayam ? Longing for some one , loving some one unconditionally is pranayam. Menon ofcourse is a symbol of true pranayam in this movie. But the only thing which does not gel well is that he ran away with his son separating the mother and the son. One who has true pranayam is ready to sacrifice anything for his/her love . But it could be probably justified -  Menon's dialogue , " What you consider as right and wrong change with time ". May be  , he also became selfish at some point in time.But by the time , he tried to correct his mistake , it was late...

Pranayam is a union of two loving souls ..It is eternal..It is unconditional..It is sweet and beautiful..

Traffic Rules Violations

Yesterday's news - 17 Nov 2011 : Traffic-E-Challan’, the new system for motorists to remit fines through banks for violation of traffic rules, was inaugurated on 17 November, at Sree Moolam Club Hall by the Chief Minister Oommen Chandy. The State Bank of Travancore (SBT) and the Kerala Police Department joined hands to introduce the system.

It reminded me of 2 incidents I had - one - a month back and other a recent one.

Scene 1- A month back -  It was a  Tuesday . I was so caught up with loads and loads of work in office  that I could leave the office at 9.45 PM only. I was so tired and some how wanted to reach home. It must have been around 10.10 PM when I reached one of the traffic junctions near the city, took a left turn and entered the road to my residence . As soon as I turned my car ,one traffic police officer stopped my vehicle. I pulled over the vehicle to the left side of the road . I could see the vehicle of  the traffic police parked near by and three traffic cops were also standing there. I lowered the window and looked at the traffic police.
The police came towards me with an instrument which had a small red light.  He apologised as soon as he saw me and allowed me to leave. I was wondering why he stopped me. By the time , the other police men stopped one motor bike fellow and they asked him to blow into their instrument. Then only I could understand that they were trying to catch hold of drunken drivers. I smiled , started my vehicle and drove back home. I felt that they should have asked me also to blow in to the instrument.They need not have apologised. Law is applicable for both male and female.Who knows, there could be ladies too who drink and drive though may not be very common in Kerala.

Scene 2 - It was a Saturday. Time was around 12 noon. I was on my way to a bank in the city. As soon as I crossed the bridge in the city , one traffic police stopped my vehicle. I pulled over and lowered the window . He came near my vehicle and told me , "Madam , dont you know that you should not use your mobile phone while driving ? "

I was surprised , " Sir , I did not use the mobile". I thought that he was mistaken some how.
He continued, "You used your mobile".
I again said , "Sir , you are mistaken. I have not used it.
He said , " Yes , you have used it. Have you noticed the camera there ? Everything gets recorded there".
I was wondering where my mobile was and finally could locate it under the music system.
I told him ,"Sir , if you dont believe me , please check the mobile for any calls and extended my phone to him". He refused to check it.
By the time , my patience had reached its limit.
My voice level raised , "How can you accuse me of using mobile when I have not used it. You are refusing to check my phone too.  Please show  me where in your camera me using mobile has got recorded.I will definitely complain about this ." I looked at his shirt to read his name.
He was very stubborn. He leaned forward , "Yes Madam , please note my name".
The argument went on for another 2 minutes and finally he asked me to leave.

I was wondering how traffic police can simply raise such allegations  ?

I reached home and narrated the whole incident to my son.

He was telling me ," Amma , you should have told him that the traffic camera has recorded the scene of a traffic police trying to cheat the public."

I dont know whether such incidents are common and how many people had similar experiences.
With e-challans in place , probably things would improve.

And I say I am self made !

Happy Women's day to all the women bloggers and blog viewers..Of course , a day for women - a day for saluting the womenhood..

The topic I am going to write is not  related to women alone . This topic has been in mind for quiet a long time. It was on a  recent "bandh" day that this topic came across my mind. Every thing had to come a halt that day. All shops were closed. No vehicles on the road. I ensured that  I have enough stock of provision and vegetables so that I dont get into trouble on the "bandh" day.

It occured to me that there are so many people I am dependent on to move my life smoothly. Let me start with the beginning of the day. Of course , coffee is a must for me to  start my day .

If the provison fellow next to my apartment does not have enough stock of milk , then I am in trouble.Obviously , he is dependent on the milk distributor to get the milk packets in time. Milk distributor is in turn dependent on the milk factories and factories do depend on the workers and the farmers. If there is no dairy farming , I have to drink black coffee  every day ..So , I am dependent on all the above mentioned people to have a coffee with milk.

Water supply  in our apartment is partially dependent on water tankers. If they dont fill our sumps , forget about taking bath..If they go on strike one day , of course I am in trouble.

Breakfast is something I cannot skip .. I cannot have idly or dosa without getting the ingredients from the shopkeepers. Obviously I am dependent on the shop keepers and farmers to  have a good breakfast so that I can start my day with full energy.

The food waste accumulated in my utility area starts stinking  if the ladies who collect waste dont turn up .
I do owe a lot to the fabric makers and sellers who ensure that I am decently dressed when I go to office.

At this moment , I am recollecting what I learnt in my childhood. Air , Water , food , clothing and shelter are the basic necessities of my life. Mother nature has been kind enough to provide me enough air . I already talked about whom I am dependent on for water, food and clothing. Let me talk about shelter. I live in the 4th floor of a 14 storeyed building. Thanks to the construction workers , plumbers , painters and electricians  for ensuring that we have a nice and safe apartment to live in.

Who is dependent on me ? Of course my child and parents do depend on me. Why do they depend on me ? I am the single earner in my family . So , yes , all of us are dependent on my salary. What do I do to earn the salary ? I provide consulting in my company and yes , I do get nicely paid. What if I don't turn up in office one day ? Who gets impacted ? Does it impact the basic necessities of any one in the world ? Perhaps not. But I do get paid much more than the famers , the construction workers , the plumbers , the electricians. But I cant meet the basic necessities of my life if all the above mentioned people dont do what they do .

 For completing a day successfully  , I have to depend on so many people who are known and unknown !
But many a times we say that we are self made. Though I dont claim so , I am just thinking , can ever a person be self made ?

Harita Vidyalayalm - Educational Reality Show for Schools

2 days back , I happened to watch the "Harita Vidyalayam" reality show in "Doordarshan Malayalam" channel. The time for this reality show is 8.10 PM .

Details here : http://www.c2clive.com/latestnewsdetail.php?id=3837


The channel shows the

• videos of the school infrastructure ,
• panel of judges ask questions to the teachers and the students who represent the school
• and a rating is given based on their assessment.
  
  That day , 2 schools particiapted . one L.P School and one high school.
  
  The cute little girl from the L.P.School was listening very carefully to the tough questions of the judges and she answered most of the questions correctly.
  
  I do not know whether such a reality show is needed in the educational field as well. My opinion would be "no". But I realised that we could do a lot more to improve the infrastructure in the schools , the methods of education and all the more , I am of the opinion that learning has to be through fun. An area where in we could do a lot more in moulding our next generation ..
  
  Yesterday , I was sitting through a boring training session in my office. I was thinking that if we as adults cant enjoy a very serious session , how do we expect our little ones to sit through the boring sessions in the school ?
  
  I am not sure whether the TTC or B.Ed courses teach any innovative techniques as to how to make the sessions interesting ? Some teachers do have an inborn talent where as majority dont have. But definitely, we can build such competence by putting the teachers through appropriate training .
  
  While the Posh English Medium Schools do put their teachers through such training , I feel that a lot more improvement is needed. We should not limit the children to the boundaries of the school text books which happens most of the times , partly to blame our curriculam and assessment systems. Every child is inquisitive. In fact , 2 way learning happens when we teach children. ( My personal experience).

I was overwhelmed when I read the news that Azim Premji has a transferred Rs. 8846 crores to a trust that would utilize these funds for rural education ! This amounts to 28.34 per cent of what the Indian government has allocated in the 2010-11 Budget for education (`31,036 crores, or $6.72 billion). Mr Premji has transferred Wipro shares worth `8,830 crores at the current market price (amounting to 10.9 per cent of his own shareholding) to the Premji Foundation — whose objective is to promote education in rural India.

I also read recently that Tata has donated Rs. 220 crores to Harvard Business School ,the largest gift the school has received from an international donor in its 102-year history. This was a bit of disappointment. Why to donate to Harvard when he could have made this donation to improve his own country's education sector ?

I sincerely wish if I also could do my bit ! Or is it just another wish among the other wishes ? I dont know. How ever , since dreams don't have limits , I dream of a day when our country has the best education system in the world.

Stopping By the Woods On A Snowy Evening

The Woods are lovely dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep..............

Have a look at my son's blog http://appoose-world.blogspot.com/

-- Rachana

Laughter - The Best Medicine

The other day I was thinking that life has become so horrible , so horrible that I want to run away from it as far as I can. Of course , dont get me wrong , am not planning for any suicide :-)
But it is a fact that it has become horrible . Now a days , days in office are horrible . I come back home and then there awaits a big list of issues which I need to tackle.

Homework and class tests for my son ( now a days he has become so irresponsible that he never has mood to study partly attributed to his never ending health problems ) , other issues at home which I need to attend to - provision is over , electricity bill not paid , drinking water is not supplied by the agency even after calling them 10 times etc etc. Result - my remaining part of the late evening ( after 7.30 PM ) also is equally horrible ..

I was just thinking when was the last time I had a heartful laughter. 1 month back , 2 months back , NO.......it has been now months or years that I had a heartful laughter. Does life become so horrible after one gets into "Gruhasthasramam".

I was just looking back to the days when I was a teenager. There has n't been a single day without laughter during my engineering days. I used to laugh for anything and everything, thanks to the comedians in the class. The result was that most days I would be caught in the class for laughing loudly listening to the jokes of the back benchers ( and the point is that all of them knew how to control laughter except me ).

I used to sit in the last but one bench and our great comedians in the last bench. They would pass comments about the teacher , about the friends sitting in the front bench , about me , my friends sitting near to me and so on and on. Every one had the great mind to accept joke as a joke even if it is about oneself - could be about the way one walks , talks , looks etc - everyone accepts it with a grin on their face ( we say "chammal" ) and join others in laughing.

Perhaps I was the one who had mastered the art of laughter that I had no control on it. Place , time nothing mattered for me for a heartful laugh. I had good and bad effects due to that nature. Good thing is that when people in my class made their own circles of friends comprising of 5-6 people , I was a friend of all and all were my friends. Bad thing is that my seat moved to front bench in some classes as some teachers felt that I am laughing at them ( some kind of complex, what else I can say? ). Most of the teachers we had were guest lecturers who were none other than our seniors who passed the course. They neither had any grip on the subject nor they knew how to handle the class. So , poor me was there in their "hit list". But there were some sensible persons in that lot whom I still remember.
One day our electronics teacher, again our senior turned guest lecturer , was taking basic electronics class to us. My classmate - "Siju" came in to the class little late dressed up exactly like our guest lecturer- full sleeves shirt , the topmost button of the shirt also was closed like our lecturer and was holding a big umbrella with a U-Shaped handle . The folded umbrella came to the class first followed by my classmate - lean and tall like the electronics lecturer. He was looking exactly like our lecturer. He sought permission to enter the class and came in and sat next to my bench. He looked at me and asked me how his style was. I smiled at him. The trigger for my laughter had already started. He asked me to call my friend "Neenu" sitting next to me. He checked with her how his "lecturer style " was. I could not control laughter looking at my classmate's expressions and bursted. But the class was going on , I wanted to somehow control the laughter. So , I bent my head down and tried to control the laughter. But unfortunately , the peak sound came out , no matter how ever much I tried to hide it. I was caught by the lecturer and was asked to stand up. I stood up struggling again to control my laughter.

He asked , " Rachana, what is there to laugh so much ? " I did not know what to say. I looked at my friend Siju expecting that he would accept the crime.

Siju said , "Sir , it had been some time that this disease started for her. She laughs alone without any reason. Poor girl , high time that something should be done about it."

Now , that the entire class laughed. Lecturer did not want to leave his so called "seriousness" .
He asked me , "tell me , what is Op-amp" ( operational amplifier )?

I was not listening to his class and hence I did not even understand the term.

I said , "Sir , I have never heard of such a "pamp" ". Again , the class bursted into laughter.

The lecturer said that if I did not want to sit in the class , I could go out. But he said it smilingly. That gave me the courage to speak further.

I told him , " You should be appreciating the fact that I am awake in the class. Most others are sleeping sir. Especially ,you look at the guys in the front bench . They pretend to listen to your class , but they are sleeping. At least I am awake".

The lecturer also wanted to laugh , but he smiled and controlled his laughter. He asked me to sit down. I knew that I was pardoned. He was there for sometime only until he got another job, but he used to help me in labs and used to tell me that I need to focus more on studies. He was like a friend to all of us .

I had innumerable incidents in the class to have heartful laughs. I had the liberty ( or I took the liberty) to call everyone by their nickname ( some boys did not like girls calling them nicknames though they were okay when boys called) and ensured that I call them only by their nicknames. I had some 3-4 nicknames and I accepted all with pleasure.

One day , some one introduced the game of "spot on the inner palm" ( game played by middle school childern and not meant for college students like us. But we never felt that it was below our level of maturity :-) ) . As part of this game ( it is a month long one ) , we need to have a black/blue ink spot on the inner palm every daywhen we meet the team members of this game. In case , we forget to put this spot , then we should be ready for the punishment. Punishment also gets decided before the game - it could be a treat in the canteen , or hit /beating from the fellow members etc. I was also in one of the groups to play this game- we had 3 members including me. My friend "Rama" used to remind me everyday to put this spot before I enter the class. The punishment was beating in case not done. Most days I forget and some how I managed based on the reminders of my good friend "Rama". One day I forgot and did not have a pen too to put the spot , but yes , "had an idea". I took the black bindi from my forehead and stuck it on my palm. The generous boys in my team pardoned me . They did not anyway want to beat a female. So they warned that next time onwards , these kinds of spots would not be accepted. Next time , unfortunately , one of the boys in my team ( who was the class representative ) , forgot to put the spot. It was my chance to exercise the punishment. I had no mercy. I decided to execute the punishment. Took a big book and folded it. I asked the boy to bend down so as to be ready for the beating on the back with the book. Poor guy bent and mercilessly I beated with the book.
2-3 days later , again I forgot to put the spot and my team decided to execute the punishment. I had no voice also because I had mercilessly beated one of the guys. They decided to exeute the punishment in front of the whole class. I looked at my friend- class rep whom I beated mercilessly- with an expression of helplessness on my face - to excuse me from the punishment. He also took the same record book , folded it and came towards me. He was 6 ft tall and medium built. I could not even imagine getting beaten up. I pleaded to him ,"Please dont beat me. Excuse me no.. pls". Every body said that I could not be excused and the punishment had to be severe. I was getting prepared to get beaten up. I looked at him again coveying to him not to beat me. He came to me and asked me to stretch my right palm. I closed my eyes ready to get the beating. At last -- he beated gently on my palm 3 times with the book. I opened my eyes. He said that the punishment was over. I jumped out of joy and thanked the guy for not giving me a "severe" punishment. May be , it was all childish acts those days , but there wasn't a day without laughter.

There is a lot of distance from "Rachana" of engineering days to the "Rachana"- an IT engineer and mother of 10 year old boy. I have forgotten how to laugh. I have even forgotten how to cry. Is this maturity ? The so called "maturity" you gain once you grow older and older. I dont know.

One thing , I know - I want to be the same old "Rachana" at least for sometime in my life and want to laugh with my whole heart.

Happy Women's Day

Here is me wishing all the women bloggers

" A Very Happy Women's Day " !

True Love

Today is Valentines day , a day for all the lovers in the world...

Happened to read an article about Girish Puthancheri in todays news paper..The writer has mentioned that Girish was a person with a heart full of "love " that led to the creation of so many romantic songs which all Malayalis would cherish for ever..

Dont know whether there is anything in this world as beautiful as love . There would not have been a "Taj Mahal" , a "Romeo and Juilet" and many other romantic stories and songs if there had not been something called love. "Arthanareeswara" diety composed of Shiva and Sakthi ( Parvathy ) indicates that they are inseparable ..Yes , love is sweet , beautiful and eternal..

One needs to be lucky enough to be in "true love ". The first time I heard of "True Love" or got its meaning imbibed in me in its real sense was when I was listening to the English Poem (I guess it was Wordsworths poem) sung by our English teacher ( a nun ) during my predegree class. I could see her rosy beautiful cheeks shining when she sang the poem aloud. She did not want to explain the poem as she thought that it would spoil the beauty of the poem.

Like anyone else , true love ofcourse had come into my teen age dreams. I dreampt of the day when Mr. True Love would come into my life on a beautiful white horse. I got into engineering college after my Pre degree. Ofcourse hoped that a day would come when "he" would come into my life with full of roses in his hand to spread the fragrance of love all through my life. But I did not find him anywhere nor did he find me .. I used to dream of tall , handsome young man with silky bouncing hair ( Aamir and Salman Khan were the culprits who gave my man "silky hair" , but my dream man was ofcourse taller than them , may be as tall and manly as Jackie shroff ) and I was sure that "we" would meet one day. My friends used to tease me when I shared with them how my dream man should look. I wanted him to be as humorous and as caring as "Mohanlal" of "Chitram" , who should be even ready to jump from the top of the "Pisa Tower" for me . My "Rakhi" brother in college told me that my dream was never going to be true and asked me to be more realistic. He used to tell me that finally I would end up marrying one constable "Kuttanpilla" who would be a drunkard and get beating from him everyday . According to him , I was searching for my dream man like "Pooja Bhat" in the film "Dil He Ki Manta Nahi". He believed that he had the responsibility of getting me married off before the course was over as he was my Rakhi brother . He proposed one of our classmates whom I could consider who would be good at heart though not fair and handsome with silky bouncing hair. Those days they used to tease him ( The proposed boy ) a lot telling that he had a soft corner for me. He was a good friend of mine and nothing beyond that for me. So , I rejected my Rakhi friends proposal.

All of us parted after the college and I joined a reputed company. I still believed that Mr.Dream Man would come one day.At home , they wanted to get me married off . I was of the strong opinion that I need to know the person I marry and cant marry anyone just by talking for half an hour or so. One side , they were looking for my man and on the other side , I dreampt that a day would come when I would meet "him". Years passed , but "he" did not come . My parents went on with their search and finally I agreed for arranged marriage . Some Mr.Xs came , after the so called horoscope matching, but nothing got finalised. In the marriage market , criteria are many which I never understood. I always hated week ends as I had to go home to stand infront of somebody for the "pennu kanal chandangu". I prayed to God to make my meeting happen with my dream man. But God felt that a dream had to be always a dream and it would lose its beauty if ever it got materialised. I took "Vratham" on Mondays , visited Siva Parvaty temples and chanted slokas in the evening - all for my dream to be a reality. Years passed again . The tension started increasing for my parents. Finally , came one day when they almost finalised on one , who was tall , reasonably good looking , decently employed and ofcourse they matched the horoscope too. By the time , my dream man had lost his original charm . Silky hair was no more there for him. The meeting was arranged. He was tall and fair , okay if not so good looking , had bit of a tummy too and fatter than me , with straight hair and typical Mallu looks. He spoke for few minutes only . He was not particular about knowing each other. Days passed. They were waiting for our opinion. I had my own apprehensions as both of us worked in different corners and the guy was not ready for a transfer though he had a transferable job. After 2 rounds of meetings , he convinced me that by the nature of his job , he did not want to take transfer , but could be with me for 4 days a week as his job ( business development) did not expect him to sign into office everyday and he could manage it from anywhere.

And it happened at last. The sacred thread of love was tied around my neck infront of Guruvayoorappa . I had an ocean of love for him as I was waiting for my dream man all those years , but realised soon that he did not even want a drop from that ocean. He was a free butterfly , moving from flower to flower and he felt that he had the freedom to live the life the way he wants. It was shocking for me , I was shattered , by then the love had blossomed in my womb . I cried silently. Went back to Siva Parvaty temples with tears in my eyes. They enjoyed the "dhara" of my tears so much that they did not want to wipe it off. Not even a day , I felt the "true love" and to him it made no sense. He wanted to be freed to fly alone where ever he wants , to be freed from the ties his parents imposed . The smile on our cute baby , the sound of his anklets nothing stopped him from flying away. I was left alone with a cute baby ( God had been kind enough to give me the baby of my dreams ) and I realised that there is such a strong true love which binds me and my baby . The definition of this love is different , but it is true for ever and eternal .

Wish You All A Happy and Prosperous New Year 2010

May Lovely Happy Times Decorate this Time of the Season,

May Warm, Special Memories brighten your New Year.

May all your Dreams Come True &

May you be Blessed with all the Best Things in the Life

HAPPY NEW YEAR !

Is our mother tongue heading towards oblivion ?

Today I happened to watch some part of the "Miss Kerala" event in Asianet. It was surprising for me to me note that inspite of this being an event to elect the "so called" beautiful Kerala girl,none of them spoke in Malayalam ..either the compere or the partcipants or the judges..
In fact , the one and only person who tried to ask a question in Malaylam among the judges was none other than the Tamil actor Bala and I do appreciate him for that.

What happened to us ? You tune in to any Malayalam channel , the TV anchors mostly speak English or anglicized Malayalam .

How much I missed Malayalam during my 6 years of life in Bangalore ? A lot ! In my work place, there was hardly any malayali . I should say that I had craved to crack or hear a joke in Malayalam. I used to call my "Mallu" friends working in other companies for a chance to speak in Malayalam. What ever jokes we share in my office , nothing had an impact on me as much as one in malayalam . I used to even feel that the cosmopolitan crowd in Bangalore even dont have a humour sense. My career in fact started with a company in Kerala where I had lots of friends each unique by their own way of expressing humour. It was totally a global and polished environment when I moved to the IT Company in Bangalore. Though I had a better working atmosphere there , I used to miss a lot the fun we used to have in my previous company inspite of all the work pressure we had there..

This craving for Malayalam was much more for my father. He always used to manage to find out at least one Malayali family which ever our apartment complex we stayed in B'lore , because he gets suffocated without speaking in Malayalam. Though I used to tease him sometimes , I could definitely understand the agony of my talkative father.

When I decided to move to Kochi , I thought that I can speak Malayalam whole heartedly here. But after moving here , I realized that I am mistaken.Here most of the crowd I know either speak English or anglicized Malayalam.

When I moved here , I was looking for a good English Medium School for my son and was very particular that they speak good English in the school . Because if at all I make a decision to move back to Bangalore , he should not get into issues. In B'lore , most of the people make fun of the mallu accent . So , I was particular that his language should not have the mother tongue influence. One side , I am happy that he got into the so called hi-fi school here and definitely their English is also good. But , on the other side , I feel that it is such a polished environment there that even the smiles on the faces of the people there are so artificial. Sometimes , for some reason if at at all I need to go to school and if I cant make it , I request my mother to go. But she refuses saying that she hates to go to that "English" speaking community. She used to manage in Bangalore when ever I cannot visit his school. People there used to be so friendly with her including the teachers or parents of other children. She used to communicate in Malayalam , Tamil, Kannada or Hindi based on the language the other person is comfortable with. But in our own Kochi ,she is so reluctant to visit my son's school as she may be expected to speak in English which she does not want to try.

In our apartment complex in Kochi , none of the children speak in Malayalam as they all study in English Medium school and speaking Malayalam is a crime in the school , the rule which they follow even at home. My son speaks to me in English a pratice which I was forced to develop when I was in Bangalore for the survival of my son in that cosmopolitan city. Now also he continues the same or speaks in "anglicised Malayalam" as he is not able to get away with his habits. I dont deny the fact that I as a mother ofcourse have the complete responsiblity to teach him proper Malayalam. He writes Malayalam alphabets and also reads to a good extent but pronunciation is not all that great which I hope that he may improve over a period of time. But , am having tough time in teaching Appu his Malayalam lessons. Almost every word I have to translate in English for him to understand its meaning. In fact , it was the other way round for me when I started learning English as a kid !!!

Now , some facts about the community where I live now. I live in an apartement close to the city. The community there speaks only English. Our association meetings are held in English. (I have not noticed any rule in our association rules/regulations that speaking malayalam is an offence which attracts penalty.) But , still people there ,take the help of English , if at all for any reason they need to interact. Dont know whether smiling is also an offence in the association rules that most of them dont even smile even if we meet inside lift. One way , it is good for me otherwise I will have to again fabricate the story of NRI husband to answer the queries of my inquistive neighbours. The "English" mania is so much that once I had to witness a humorous scene where in my retired neighbour was trying to speak in English to our plumber , an old man . The old man looked very embarrased and finally my neighbour spoke in "Pacha Malayalam" because he had to get his "Kudivella prasnam" resolved.

Where are we heading ? Our children are not exposed to good Malayalam either at home or society .Even our entertainment media is exposing them to "Anglicised Malayalam". May be ,this English speaking syndrome is mostly there in Kochi only - the so called cosmopolitan city and other towns/cities in Kerala could be better. Ofcourse , as part of globalisation , we all need to know English well so as to effectively communicate.But at the same time can we forget our mother tongue ? 196 languages in India are identified by UNESCO as "Vulnerable/Endangered/Extinct". Our language may not get into this list , but will we have good Malayalam Literature , songs , poems if this continues ? I doubt !!

Note - Some of you may be thinking that my post itself is in English when I am so much emphasizing on the need for we using proper Malayalam. I am facing difficulties in fact when I try to use the Malayalam Scripts, most of the time my edit window hangs . ie when I gave up after trying it once. I am neither an expert in Malayalam nor in English , what I know is to pen down my feelings here , in what ever way I can...

Life goes on

It has been long time since I scribbled something here..

I was too busy with many things both at home and office .Did not get time at all to pen down something..

Nothing has changed much..I shifted to my new flat in Apr 09. It was hectic infact. I had to run around to get things done---and finally we moved. Appu and I went to Trivandrum for a short trip. We stayed there for 2 days and came back. My son's school re-opened..Not sure why he has become very disobedient now a days.May be because he does not have many friends here in the new flat unlike my earlier rented one. In fact, he is infront of computers all the time. I had to disable the broad band connection finally ..Still he has not improved much..I tried all the parenting tricks I know .Nothing is working..

About a month back , while appu and I were in a restaurant , he asked me ," If I get first prize in Maths Olympiad , will my photo come in the news paper?"

I said ," May be. Why did you ask?"

Appu," If my photo comes in paper and if "xxx" ( he calls his dad by his name..whom he has never ever seen) sees it, will he come to my school to see me ?"

I got stunned..But slowly I asked,"Do you wish to see him?"

Appu ," Tell me whether he will come or not"

I "I dont know Appu..He never came so far. How do you expect him to come now ? I dont think that he would. First of all , he wont even know that the boy in the photo is his own son as he has never seen you.By the way why do you want to see him when he never ever bothered about us so far"

Appu,"Amma , he may come..It may be simply your feeling that he is bad"

I again got stunned. I realised that there was no point in arguing. He wants to see his father..It is as simple as that. But his father does not feel so.

Appu ,"Do you know where he is ?"

I ,"I dont know.He may be there in the same old place where he works"

Appu ,"Ammamma ( my mother) said that some body told her that he got married again"

I ,"I dont know Appu. It could be a rumour. In fact , as far as I know , he does not want to get married to any body.He prefers to live alone enjoying all his freedom"

Appu did not ask me anything more..

How do I tell my son that his father never ever bothered to even touch his baby when he came down to hospital under the pressure of his parents soon after my delivery . He returned my baby's cute photographs when I sent them to him thinking that it might cause some change in his brutal mind. He shouted at me ruthlessly when I begged him to come for my son's "chorun" ceremony . He never even bothered to look at my cute 2-year son toddling around in the family court when we went for divorce.. How do i tell my son all these ?

How do I explain that his father values " freedom to live the life the way he wants" than any other commitments ?

I realised that inspite of my all effort to play the roles of both mother and father, my son wants his father. I wont blame him. He is growing up. He needs a father's presence more than a mother. One who could play with him football , cricket , have pillow fights etc etc..Me as a mother is probably not successful now to play the role of father too..

It is tough for single parents to bring up their kids..It is tough. May be , after 1 or 2 years , my son would understand me better ...

Then and Now

Few days back my son Appu came to me and said ,"Amma , you need to buy me a new toy .It is just Rs.500/-"

I was surprised and asked him ,"Do you know how much is Rs.500?"

Appu nodded his head and said,"Yes, Yes"

I said ," I dont have money to waste for all these. You are now 8 years. No need of all these costly toys. ."

Appu ,"No , no. You have money amma. You get money from ATM. You are simply telling lies"

I said ," Money does not come just like that from ATM. My company has to deposit my salary in my account. I do have lot of expenses this month for some wood work and all. So , forget about toy. You need to understand the value of money , Appu"

Appu ,"Okay..Okay.."

I kept wondering..When did I ask for Rs.500/- to my parents ? In college ? That too to buy books ? When did I see Rs.500/- currency ? Most likely when I was in college.

I said ,"Appu , do you know how Amma used to go to school? I used to go by walking. All the 10 years I studied in school , I used to walk to my school. My primary school was 1.5 Km away from my house . My UP School was again 1.5 km away and my high school was almost 4 km away . Still I used to walk to high school. Primary and UP Schools, I used to walk bare foot. I got a pair of sandals when I was in high school"

Appu ,Surprised "Walking and that too without Sandal !! Why Amma , ammamma and acchachan( my parents ) did not have any money to send you by school bus"

I " School bus ? Those days , we have not even heard about school bus. Our school was a normal Malayalam Medium school with no fees ( Or Rs.5 per year..Dont remember). There was no school bus ...But we had good teachers"

Appu,"Did you have swimming pool in the school , like mine"

I laughed and said ,"Swimming pool ? We have water streams and paddy fields on both the sides of the road as we walk to the school."

Appu ,"Do you know swimming ?"

I ," Yes"

Appu" How did you learn ?"

I "I learnt by myself when I was 6 years old. Have you seen the pond in achappa's house (my grandmother)..There I learnt myself"

Appu," You learnt yourself ? We have swimming coach in our school. Did you have swimming costume and goggles like mine"

I " Ha ha.. Those days we did not know of any such costume. I did not even have a good school bag , forget about swimming costume. I still remember , you know, those days , children used to carry a big square box made of steel to carry books. I had so much of a desire to own one. But never I could have my dream fulfilled. As you said , achacha and ammamma (my parents) did not have money for anything other than giving us 3 times food ."

Appu ," Did you have a lunch box ? What snacks you used to carry to school ? Biscuits, cakes ,pizza ,burger?"

I ," Curd rice my son..What else ? We had n't even seen biscuits unless for occasions like marriages. Pizza and Burger - Were they available those days? I dont know. See , everyday you take snacks to school . But half of it you waste . You have different kinds of biscuits at home..But you dont want any one of them. I have to be after you for hours to make you eat something."

Appu,"Okay..Okay..but now you have money , no?"

I " It does not come just like that. Amma studied and got a job . You also need to study well. We have never seen toys those days. Look ,your room is full of toys. But still you want more and more. Just to use for a couple of days and then throw.."

Appu,"You did not have toys also ? Then how you used to play"

I ,"We play hide and seek like you . We also play shop keeper game. For that ,we used to make weighing balance with strings and coconut shells. Then we used to make houses with small sticks and with roof made of leaves. All that.. . Appu , amma is not telling that you also need to struggle like me. But you need to understand the value of money.

There are so many children in the streets who dont go to school, who struggle to eat at least once in a day. Some of those children dont have mother or father..We should thank God for all the comfort we have and we also need to understand the value of food , money , studies etc..Okay..?

Dont know whether my son understood fully..Might have understood partly.

To a great extent I am also responsible for creating this abundance and my son not realising the value of it. Yes, this generation is different. Their needs are different. But yes , it is also equally important for them to at least understand the harsh realities of life too..

Wishing You All A Very Happy New Year 2009

Wish You All A Very Happy
And
Prosperous New Year 2009 !!!

Best Wishes ,

Rachana And Appu

I dont know

My son asked me yesterday , "Amma , Do you know which God is the most powerful?"

I smiled and said , " I dont know who is the most powerful. But I like Ganesha because he listens to my prayers . He is the God who blesses people with the intelligence they need and also helps in clearing obstacles. He is cute in his appearance. Another thing is that he loves food too . Me too a food lover. So, I like him"

My son," Amma , what are you saying ? Vishnu is the most powerful".

I : Is it so ? I dont know..I dont even know how many gods exist. In our Hindu religion, there are so many Gods starting from Brahma , Vishnu , Siva , then the 10 avatars of Vishnu , sons of Siva - Ganesha , Subrahmanian , Ayappan , then all the Goddesses like Lakshmi , Parvathi , Saraswathi and so on and so on..

For Christians, Jesus is the God and Muslims "Allah"

But Appu I really dont know whether we have so many Gods . I dont know. If they exist , where are they ? I dont know "

Appu : You dont even know where Gods are. They are in the sky.

I : Oh , is it ? What are they doing there ? ( I said in the mind : Oh God , I am not a atheist. I dont know what I am talking . Please forgive me ....continued) ......Where do they live there in the sky ?

My son : I dont know. You tell..

I : Even I dont know.. It is believed that Gods are omnipresent. I mean , they exist every where. In this pillar , air , sand every where in any form..Now if you ask me whether they exist. I dont know. But one thing ---

Appu : What is it ?

I : Gods do not have existence if human beings or life does not exist on this earth.

Appu : Why ? What are you saying Amma?

I : Gods cannot exist without human beings. If there is no life on earth , who will Pray to God ? What will the God control ? He will be out of his job. Now , Gods say that they created human beings . May be , for their existence..( God , please forgive me once again ..I sometimes dont know what I say ). So , it is like nature's balance. Animals and Plants depend on each other. Same way , Gods and human beings depend on each other.

Appu was listening to me carefully with mixed expressions on his face.

I : Appu , has somebody seen God ? May be you feel god. Like the way you feel air , but don't see it. Like I sometimes feel that Ganesha listens to my prayers.. ( Yes , he does , Okay ? )

Appu : Amma , but is there a God ? You tell me clearly.

I : Appu , I wish if God were there. But if he is there , why so many people and children are struggling on earth ? I dont know..
But I also dont know how we will survive if we did not have water , air and sunlight on this earth..So , somebody knew that we need all these.. Somebody knew that earth needs to rotate for us to have days and nights. Somebody knew that we need oxygen in the air to survive. Somebody knew that we need eyes to see, ears to hear , legs to walk.....I used to wonder when I was carrying you why it should take 9 months to deliver a matured baby ? Why cant it be 7 months for the baby to be matured ? Or why cant it be 11 months ? Who decides this ? So , someone has programmed this period so accurately. Who is that Genius ? I dont know..

Appu : Amma , do you know how the earth was created. It is all because of big bang. My miss told that one day earth will be destroyed by a meteor colliding on earth. Is it so?

I smiled and said : Yes. Scientists believe that earth was created like that.. But no one knows clearly.

Appu : Will the earth be fully destroyed one day ?

I : Dont know..May not..

Appu : Okay tell me now whether God is there or not.

I : Dont know. But one thing for sure.. God listens to my prayers. I prayed so much when I was carrying you to have a boy baby.
( Until my marriage , I probably had more liking for girl children. Probably because most of my aunts were having girl children. After the trauma of my marriage , I felt that I should have a boy baby because I realised that it is a pain to be born as a girl. I did not want my child to go through the trauma of a failed marriage like mine. So , I used to pray whole heartedly to God to bless me with a baby boy. Those days , I used to chant "Lalitha Sahasranamam " every day. I used to dream about how my baby will look. I had a very clear picture too about how he will look. )

God blessed me with a cute son, you..And you know , when you were born , you were looking exactly the same as the baby boy I had in my mind.

Appu : So, amma , do you say God exist ?

I : Dont know..But there are somethings I cant explain..There are so many things in this world which none of us can explain though we claim that we know so many things. There is mention of "pushpaka vimana" in ramayana when we claim that Wright brothers inveneted plane. There is a mention of Nava grahas in Indian Astrology many many years ago.How was this known so early that we have nine planets ?

Appu : Amma , Enough , enough..I am going down to play..

I might have looked like an atheist in the beginning and a strong beliver in the end. You might have also felt that I tried to confuse my child. I shared with him my thoughts. He is much more rational and intelligent than me..So I thought of sharing my thoughts for him to think over.

Now who am I ? An athiest or a believer ? I do believe. I need someone to talk to , some one to support me and someone good and nice at heart who listens to my (everybody's )grievances..That is my definition of God. I believe in doing good things and helping the needy . We need to have an element of goodness or God to behave and act in good ways. Believing in god is same as believing and doing things which are for the goodness of man kind..

Women of The Year 2008

10 year old Nujood Ali and her attorney Shada Nasser from Yemen shared the bright lights with such luminaries as Sen. Hillary Clinton, U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and movie star Nicole Kidman in the big city of New York , as winners of Glamour magazine's 2008 Women of the Year award.

Nujood was married off earlier this year to a man three times her age. He sexually assaulted and physically abused her. But unlike other child brides in Yemen, she didn't suffer silently.

Poverty often leads to child marriage since a typical Yemeni earns about $900 a year, and marrying off girls means fewer mouths to feed. Then there is a question of honor. One of Nujood’s sisters had been raped, another kidnapped. When her father heard the kidnapper was eyeing Nujood, he thought marriage would save her. Instead, she says, she was beaten by in-laws, and nights were a hellish game of tag, with Nujood running from room to room to escape sex with her husband; he raped her anyway.

Nujood begged for help. “I was sad and angry,” her mother, Shuaieh, says, “but I still felt [her marriage] was the thing to do.” It was Nujood’s “auntie”—her father’s other wife, a beggar who lives in one room with her five children—who told the girl she might look for justice in court

Two months after her wedding, Nujood returned to her family’s house . When her parents left for the day, Nujood did something virtually unheard-of in Yemen: She went out by herself and took a bus and a taxi to Sana’a’s main court. All morning she waited, until a judge saw her sitting there. “I want a divorce,” Nujood told him. The story of Nujood’s audacity spread to Shada Nasser, a human rights lawyer. “I didn’t believe it,” she says. She asked why the girl needed a divorce. Nujood’s reply: “I hate the night.” Nasser agreed to take the case free of charge. “But you must smile,” she said, “and you must trust me.”

Nassser helped her get a divorce in what is widely considered the first such incident of its kind.
Nujood's ordeal, triumph and her eventual return to some semblance of normalcy as a schoolgirl were chronicled in the Los Angeles Times.

The pair were also featured in the November issue of Glamour magazine and have become cornerstones of a charity drive to raise funds to fight child marriage.

I am inspired by Nujood Ali ! I wish her all the success in life !

Believe it or not

Recently I happened to watch the 'Viswasichalum Illenkilum" show in Asianet. It was all about the ghost of a lady being present in the Universty College Campus at Karyavattam , Trivandrum. The people who got interviewed as part of this confirmed that they had seen the spirit. The psychology professor the channel interviewed also confirms the presence of some thing unknown to us. Ridiculous ! How can such a popular channel promote such blind beliefs ?

Many a times , when I see the films centered on lady ghosts , I used to wonder why all these ghosts are of ladies ? Any film you take , only lady gets portrayed as ghost. And the other interesting thing is , they get into the bodies of only ladies and not men.

I remember an incident which happened during the first year of my first job. I was living in a working women's hostel at that time .

One night , around 10 PM , I happened to go to the next room and I saw a big crowd inside the room . Just wondered why ? They all were sitting infront of the Ouija board .

For those of you who dont know , an Ouija board is a board which has english alphabets , numbers ( 0 to 9 ) and "Yes, No" printed on it . This is used to communicate to spirits. The planchette ( a 3 legged device which is used for movement on this board) or a coin is used for moving from one alphabet to another alphabet. The team using this board would keep their forefingers on the coin , invite a spirit , once the spirit gets inside the coin , the coin would move. Then the team can ask questions to the spirit. The spirit in the coin would start moving by itself from alphabet to alphabet depending on his/her answers..In short the spirit spell the answers.

I just could not believe how the coin moves from alphabet to alphabet. Sometimes , the movement was so fast that my friends holding the coin were finding it difficult to still have the grip on the coin. After the team finished all the questions , then it was farewell time. The coin moved out of the board by itself indicating that the spirit had gone.

Initially , I was very very scared about the whole thing .After seeing this Planchette game for 2- 3 days , it gave me the courage to be part of the team to call the spirit. I was n't married at that time. Every girl was interested to know the name of the guy whom they would marry. The spirit invited like this once ,told me that I would marry a guy called "Vikas".

I became more friendly with spirits . I used to tell my friends in office about this game. I even told my cousins about it . My cousins and I played this oncewhen all of us were there in our "Tharavadu". After playing this game twice or thrice at my "Tharavadu" , I realised that the answers had some thing to do with my presence. I was ofcourse not moving the coin. That I was sure. But , the answers were probably those which I had in mind or in some cases my wishes or dreams what ever. But the force is ofcourse not my physical force. I could realise that it is probably my mind which could move this coin. Some power which is there inside us which moves the coin..It is true.. The moment I realised this , I stopped playing this game. It could be dangerous to play with your mind.

I investigated a bit on this . According to scientists , this movement of the coin is due to
ideomotor effect. Now , what is Ideomotor effect ?

Thanks to Wikipedia ..I have just copied and pasted it here..

The ideomotor effect is a psychological phenomenon wherein a subject makes motions unconsciously. As in reflexive responses to pain, the body sometimes reacts reflexively to ideas alone without the person consciously deciding to take action. For instance, tears are produced by the body unconsciously in reaction to the emotion of sadness, usually without any intervention of conscious will.
Stage hypnotists exploit the ideomotor effect for entertainment value, convincing volunteers to perform some action without consciously deciding to do so. The volunteers usually have no memory of their performance, much like sleepwalkers who are unaware that they are acting on stimulus existing almost entirely in their own minds. More subtle unconscious physical reactions are often used by magicians and illusionists to perform "mind-reading" tricks

So do we still have to continue to promote and propagate such blind beliefs ??

Na sthree swathanthryam arhathi

As a woman currently settled in God's own country , many a times , I have asked this question to myself..Are the women in Kerala treated with respect here , specially in this advanced era ? The answer is "NO". But is it so in other states ? Again the answer is "no". But , may be a bit better in cosmopolitan cities.

When I made the decision to move from Garden city to God's own country , my friend asked me ,"Do you feel that you are going to be comfortable there ? Do you think that a divorcee can live there peacefully ?"

I said ,"Dont know . But I will manage." I had my own reasons for relocation.


I was looking out for an apartment for rent. As usual , I have to manage everything myself. When I go alone to landlord to enquire about the house , they just cant digest how a lady can come alone and take a house on rent. The situation is the same , be it Bangalore or Kerala. If I say that I am a divorcee , at least some may have second thought to let out the house to me. So , I always used to say that my husband lives abroad and hence my son and I live with my parents. It may not be possible all the time to take my parents too to see the houses. So , when ever I find a house of my liking , I take parents and son there to show them the house. Then the landlord gets convinced. Look at the pain of a divorcee..Even after divorce , she cant tell that she is a divorcee. And I have to tell that he is NRI and that leads to more trouble because they think I am damn rich and ask for more rent..

My son always used to get confused as he does not know what to say when someone asks him about his father. When I was in Bangalore , the lady in the neighbouring apartment was very curious to know when this NRI husband will land in Bangalore. I normally say ," a year later". At least , for a year , people should not pester me. 6 months later , the lady repeated the question when we met in the corridor of my apartment building . My son , 6 years old then , was also there with me when I said ,"yes , he will come in March". My son smiled and said ,"Aunty , No he wont come. He has never visited us ". I was shocked at his response , tried to put up a smile and then said,"he is just kidding" and some how managed to rush back to my apartment. After I reached home , I told my son , " You should never say like this infront of others. Yes, Amma said lie. But here people dont understand our pain. So , we need to pretend that your father visits us." He understood and promised that he would not repeat the same.

I actually did not want to confuse my child. So when I moved to God's own country , I did not want to tell the same NRI story. I approached the caretaker of an apartment complex to find out whether any apartment is available for rent. I had taken my mother and son too with me for house hunting. He asked me where my husband is. I said ," I am a divorcee". My mother looked at me . I said ,' It is okay". The caretaker did not say anything. He talked to the flat owner and arrnaged house for me. The next day , meeting also was scheduled with the flat owner. Before I left , the caretaker told me ," Madam , dont mistake me. Please do not tell that you are a divorcee. Tell them that your husband is in Dubai. People may not understand sometimes." I smiled and said "no issues".

Now,some people in the other apartments want to know when my NRI husband would come back and why I am not going there..I just dont care. My son keeps getting confused about what to say and what not to say..I said ,"Just dont care. You tell that you dont know and amma only knows".Sometimes I feel that it could have better if I said I am a widow because people are so averse to the word "divorcee".

In the school at Kochi , I told once to his class teacher the fact that I am a divorcee. One day during our conversation my son opened his heart and told me that his teacher told to all the students in the class that he does not have father. His lips were trembling and eyes were filled with tears. I realised that the wetness is spreading to my eyes too. i consoled my son and said," Just dont care. Though your father does not live with us , there is God with us always . So dont worry."I did not know why she did that.By the time , it was end of academic year ..So I did not probe..

Life has been tough after I moved to God's own country for various reason..Many times I felt like moving back to Bangalore. Many a times , I cursed myself for moving here..But I am managing..It is a matter of survival. I

I dont think that the society needs to be considerate towards ladies..At least allow them to live..