I dont know

My son asked me yesterday , "Amma , Do you know which God is the most powerful?"

I smiled and said , " I dont know who is the most powerful. But I like Ganesha because he listens to my prayers . He is the God who blesses people with the intelligence they need and also helps in clearing obstacles. He is cute in his appearance. Another thing is that he loves food too . Me too a food lover. So, I like him"

My son," Amma , what are you saying ? Vishnu is the most powerful".

I : Is it so ? I dont know..I dont even know how many gods exist. In our Hindu religion, there are so many Gods starting from Brahma , Vishnu , Siva , then the 10 avatars of Vishnu , sons of Siva - Ganesha , Subrahmanian , Ayappan , then all the Goddesses like Lakshmi , Parvathi , Saraswathi and so on and so on..

For Christians, Jesus is the God and Muslims "Allah"

But Appu I really dont know whether we have so many Gods . I dont know. If they exist , where are they ? I dont know "

Appu : You dont even know where Gods are. They are in the sky.

I : Oh , is it ? What are they doing there ? ( I said in the mind : Oh God , I am not a atheist. I dont know what I am talking . Please forgive me ....continued) ......Where do they live there in the sky ?

My son : I dont know. You tell..

I : Even I dont know.. It is believed that Gods are omnipresent. I mean , they exist every where. In this pillar , air , sand every where in any form..Now if you ask me whether they exist. I dont know. But one thing ---

Appu : What is it ?

I : Gods do not have existence if human beings or life does not exist on this earth.

Appu : Why ? What are you saying Amma?

I : Gods cannot exist without human beings. If there is no life on earth , who will Pray to God ? What will the God control ? He will be out of his job. Now , Gods say that they created human beings . May be , for their existence..( God , please forgive me once again ..I sometimes dont know what I say ). So , it is like nature's balance. Animals and Plants depend on each other. Same way , Gods and human beings depend on each other.

Appu was listening to me carefully with mixed expressions on his face.

I : Appu , has somebody seen God ? May be you feel god. Like the way you feel air , but don't see it. Like I sometimes feel that Ganesha listens to my prayers.. ( Yes , he does , Okay ? )

Appu : Amma , but is there a God ? You tell me clearly.

I : Appu , I wish if God were there. But if he is there , why so many people and children are struggling on earth ? I dont know..
But I also dont know how we will survive if we did not have water , air and sunlight on this earth..So , somebody knew that we need all these.. Somebody knew that earth needs to rotate for us to have days and nights. Somebody knew that we need oxygen in the air to survive. Somebody knew that we need eyes to see, ears to hear , legs to walk.....I used to wonder when I was carrying you why it should take 9 months to deliver a matured baby ? Why cant it be 7 months for the baby to be matured ? Or why cant it be 11 months ? Who decides this ? So , someone has programmed this period so accurately. Who is that Genius ? I dont know..

Appu : Amma , do you know how the earth was created. It is all because of big bang. My miss told that one day earth will be destroyed by a meteor colliding on earth. Is it so?

I smiled and said : Yes. Scientists believe that earth was created like that.. But no one knows clearly.

Appu : Will the earth be fully destroyed one day ?

I : Dont know..May not..

Appu : Okay tell me now whether God is there or not.

I : Dont know. But one thing for sure.. God listens to my prayers. I prayed so much when I was carrying you to have a boy baby.
( Until my marriage , I probably had more liking for girl children. Probably because most of my aunts were having girl children. After the trauma of my marriage , I felt that I should have a boy baby because I realised that it is a pain to be born as a girl. I did not want my child to go through the trauma of a failed marriage like mine. So , I used to pray whole heartedly to God to bless me with a baby boy. Those days , I used to chant "Lalitha Sahasranamam " every day. I used to dream about how my baby will look. I had a very clear picture too about how he will look. )

God blessed me with a cute son, you..And you know , when you were born , you were looking exactly the same as the baby boy I had in my mind.

Appu : So, amma , do you say God exist ?

I : Dont know..But there are somethings I cant explain..There are so many things in this world which none of us can explain though we claim that we know so many things. There is mention of "pushpaka vimana" in ramayana when we claim that Wright brothers inveneted plane. There is a mention of Nava grahas in Indian Astrology many many years ago.How was this known so early that we have nine planets ?

Appu : Amma , Enough , enough..I am going down to play..

I might have looked like an atheist in the beginning and a strong beliver in the end. You might have also felt that I tried to confuse my child. I shared with him my thoughts. He is much more rational and intelligent than me..So I thought of sharing my thoughts for him to think over.

Now who am I ? An athiest or a believer ? I do believe. I need someone to talk to , some one to support me and someone good and nice at heart who listens to my (everybody's )grievances..That is my definition of God. I believe in doing good things and helping the needy . We need to have an element of goodness or God to behave and act in good ways. Believing in god is same as believing and doing things which are for the goodness of man kind..